


I'll tell the world you are my love

by Elysabeth



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/F, Genderbending, Happy Ending, Light Angst, Temporary Breakup, cute&stupid lesbians in love, some crying as always
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-06
Updated: 2016-10-06
Packaged: 2018-08-19 22:32:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8226950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elysabeth/pseuds/Elysabeth
Summary: Eren can't take it anymore. She will no longer be hiding her relationship with Jeanne. But  she gets it that it's scary.That's why she breaks up with Jeanne.





	

**Author's Note:**

> **FAQ**
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  **Shouldn't you be writing the detective levihan?** the answer is obviously... yes! please don't remind me...
> 
>  **Was this supposed to be shorter?** yes, but it somehow got out of hand and it's twice as long as it was supposed to be
> 
>  **Why did you write such a sappy lesbian story?** because everyone deserves more cute lesbian stories, especially myself

"I can't do this anymore,"  Eren bites out. It's not easy.

Jeanne's lips are slightly parted in surprise. She always has chapstick on. One of Eren's favorite things is to guess the flavor. She'd mumble against her lips — "Cherry this time?" — and go back to kissing her without waiting for the answer. She's gotten pretty good at it. The guessing, not the kissing. Though, she's not bad at the kissing either.

Jeanne bites her lips. She always does that when she's nervous. "I'm sorry... What?" The pearl gray of her nails goes well with the ashy blond of her hair.

She's frowning. Eren doesn't like it. It twists her pretty features, carefully outlined with well-applied make-up. Eren herself is not much for makeup. She loves watching Jeanne apply it, though, the morning after their sleepovers. Eren always gets a bit mesmerized when Jeanne draws a black line over her eyes. It feels like art.

"I can't do this anymore, Jeanne," she repeats. The name is heavy on her tongue. "This. Us."

She scowls. She's not good with words. Jeanne is. That's why she's president of the Student Council. Eren is only vice-captain of the Swim Team.

Jeanne's brown eyes are wide. She looks shocked. "You are breaking up with me," she realizes.

Her hands twist in the fabric of her gray skirt. Eren feels a wave a guilt overtake her. They've bought the skirt together. Jeanne had teased her about her obsession with legs and Eren had spent the entire fitting session staring at the creamy expanse of her thighs.

"I can't take it anymore," she forces out. Her heart aches in her chest. She can feel frustrated tears build up behind her eyes. She hates how easily she cries. "The hiding, the lying... I can't- I won't do it anymore."

Jeanne's breath hitches. "You- You can tell it to Armin and Mikasa. We don't have to break up," she argues. "We can find a compromise, we can-"

"I'm tired of compromise," Eren cuts her off. "Am I always going to be your dirty little secret? Am I always going to be ignored except when we are alone in the bathroom? Am I going to have to take Annie to prom and watch you go with Marco?"

"Marco and I, we are not..." Jeanne trails off.

"I know!" Eren snarls. Anger is clawing at her throat. She can feel tears on her cheeks. It makes her even angrier. At Jeanne, at the world, at herself. "I know there's nothing between you and Marco! I know he's gay. The problem is not you going with him, or me going with Annie. The problem is that you won't be going with me because you don't want to. Are you ashamed of me?"

"Never!" Jeanne yells. "I would never be ashamed of you." She looks horrified by the idea. Even then, it doesn't make Eren feel better. "I just can't. I have a reputation and my parents and... I'm the President of the Student Council. I can't do whatever I want."

"These are just excuses!" Eren shouts back. A sob breaks passed her lips. "I get it, okay?" She says, more softly. She wipes her cheeks angrily. "I get it that it's scary. I get it that you are not ready. And I'm willing to give you time. I won't wait forever but I can — I will — wait for you."

Jeanne's bottom lip is trembling. She's clutching her blue sweater and looking like she's trying very hard not to cry. God, Eren loves her. She wants to hug her and tell her everything will be fine. Eren is nothing but stubborn, though. She'd made a decision.

"I see," Jeanne murmurs. Her gaze is cast downward.

Eren has the urge to shake her. _Why do you give up so easily?_ She wants to ask.  _Fight for what you want!_

She doesn't. She takes a step toward Jeanne and kisses the corner of her mouth. She can taste apple. Jeanne smells like flowers. Her breath falls on Eren's lips. She has to tear herself away. She doesn't look back.

__

Eren is laughing. She laughs with her entire body. Her shoulders shake, she bares her throat and her entire face lights up. Jeanne loves the way she laughs. She can't hear it from here, but she can recall the clear sound of Eren's laughter. It's a memory she always keeps close to her heart.

Jeanne is not jealous. She just doesn't understand how someone like Annie, so cold and quiet, can make Eren smile like this.

So, maybe she's a bit jealous. For her defense, she's been missing Eren so much, her chest aches just looking at her.

She wants to grab Eren and kiss her. Kiss her until she forgets how to breathe, forgets her own name. She wants to tug at the short hair at the back of her neck and revel in the growling sound Eren makes when she does this. She wants Eren to bite her shoulder and fit her hand against the curve of her breast and thumb her-

"Jeanne!"

She blinks at Connie, startled. "What?"

He throws his hands in the air, looking exasperated. "I've called you like fifteen times already." He turns his head around. "What were you even looking at?"

Without meaning to, her gaze falls back on Eren. She's gnawing at her thumb, staring at her phone. A nervous gesture. She looks up and their gazes meet. Jeanne gets momentarily lost in the ocean of Eren's eyes. They are green from here. In the morning, when Jeanne used to wake up next to her, she'd sometimes find Eren already awake, gazing at her. She could discern the nuances of blue and green, then, and the specks of gold around the iris.

Eren looks away.

"Nothing," Jeanne says. She tries to keep the bitterness out of her voice. She doesn't think she succeeded.

Connie sits to her left and Sasha takes her right. "You've been looking at Eren a lot this past week."

Jeanne's head shoots up. Connie jumps back. "How- Why- I'm not staring at Eren!" She stumbles on her words.

Sasha puts a hand on her arm. "We are not judging you." She smiles, her brown eyes soft. "We are just a bit concerned. You've been out of it for a couple days."

Jeanne's breath leaves her in a rush. She hadn't realized how much she'd been looking at Eren. She's fiddling with her key, now. It's an old thing attached to a leather string. It is usually nestled between her breast. When she was over Jeanne, it dangled from her chest. Jeanne used it to tug Eren down and kiss her. It hurts her to think she can't have Eren in her arms anymore.

"She broke up with me," she blurts out. She tugs on her beanie, hiding behind her hair. She stares resolutely at her lap.

"Didn't think you'd ever admit it," Connie says.

Jeanne peaks at him from the corner of her eyes. "You knew?"

"You look at her like she hung the moon," Sasha joins in. "And Eren is not very... discreet with her affection."

"I know we look like two idiots but we are not that stupid." Connie pauses. "We are stupid," he corrects, "but we know you. It evens out."

She snorts. She loves them, Sasha and Connie. They always find a way to cheer her up.

She's nervous, though. She twists her hands. She scowls. Her nail polish is slightly chipped. She will have to redo it tonight.

"I fucked up," she admits quietly. "She didn't want to hide anymore and I couldn't do it."

"Why?" Connie looks confused. "If I had a girlfriend like her, I would show her off." He takes Sasha's hand in his own. "Even though I don't need one. I already have my life partner right there."

Sasha giggles, slapping him on the arm.

Jeanne stares at her lap. She feels guilty and embarrassed. "I panicked. I just- I know you don't get it but there's so much hanging over my head...My parents, my image, my future. How will people take it?" She lets out a frustrated noise.

Sasha takes her hand. "Being an idiot has some perks ;  we don't overcomplicate decisions. Just forget all of this and there's only one question to ask: Is Eren worth it?"

Jeanne glances over at Eren. She's biting at the end of her pencil, her nose in the air.

She thinks about the time Eren had defended her against an old drunkard. They hadn't even been friends, then. Tentative enemies, maybe. Eren had looked so furious, fire in her eyes, blood on her knuckles. She'd punched the guy in the nose.

Another time, Eren had turned up at her door, drenched. She looked like a wet puppy, shivering and her eyes too big for her face. Her short hair was plastered to her cheeks. They'd been long, tumbling down her back before that day. "I'm sorry, I didn't know where else to go," she'd mumbled.

"What the fuck have you done with your hair?"

Eren's eyes had turned hard, her shoulders tensed. "What do you mean?" She'd asked, her voice on the verge of a growl.

"Do tell me you've done this terrible hacking job yourself," Jeanne had begged. "If not, we are gonna go back to your poor excuse of a hairdresser and demand a refund."

Eren had blinked owlishly for a couple of seconds. Then she'd seemed to collapse on herself, all the tension leaving her body at once.

"Yeah, I've done it myself."

"Thank God." Jeanne had tugged her all the way to the bathroom. She'd sat Eren on the edge of the bathtub.

Eren had watched her as she pulled out scissors. Her eyes were filled with something warm. Gratitude, maybe. "Thanks," she had whispered, voice soft.

Jeanne hadn't been in love with her, at that time. Yet, thinking back to this night, it was the first time she'd considered it. Being in love with Eren, that is. What if, she'd wondered, and it had been the beginning of the end.

She is undeniably head over heels for Eren, these days.

"She is worth it," she declares, more for herself than Sasha.

Connie claps her on the back. She grimaces, but a smile is tugging at her lips. "Well said, cherry girl."

When Connie had learned that Kirsch meant cherry in German he'd taken to using it as a nickname for her. She liked it despite herself.

"What are you gonna do?" Sasha asks.

There's only one thing to do. "Prom," Jeanne says.

Connie whistles. Sasha almost squeals with excitement. She leans into Jeanne. "Do you need us to do something?" She whispers conspiratorially.

Jeanne thinks for a moment. "I need to plan first."

Connie and Sasha nod. Jeanne steals a glance at Eren, once again. She has stopped working, folding a sheet of paper in what Jeanne knows will probably be an airplane.

__

Planning is easy. Jeanne is comfortable with planning. Fix a goal, find the quickest way to it and prepare yourself. Acting on it is significantly harder.

She smooths her hand nervously down her purple dress as she stands in front of Eren's door. She's just ringed the bell and her heart is pounding in her chest.

Eren's mom is the one to open the door. She raises an eyebrow, apparently surprised. "Jeanne. I wasn't expecting you."

Jeanne forces herself to smile past the wave of nervousness in her stomach. "Hi, Mrs. Jaeger," she greets her. She twists her hands nervously behind her back. The flowers she bought for Eren make a ruffling sound.

She doesn't know what else to say and stays stuck under Carla's judging gaze. Carla crosses her arms, scowling slightly. "You're the reason my daughter has knocked a guy out in her kung fu class last week."

Jeanne winces. "Probably, yes," she concedes. Her dress and heels suddenly feel very impractical. She hopes she won't have to run away from Eren's fierce mother. "I'm here to make it right,  _Madame,_ " she promises, flattening the 'a' to emphasize her French accent. It has a softening effect on most people.

"I hope so," threatens Carla. "Or you will have to answer to me."

Apparently, Carla Jaeger is not most people. Jeanne's blood curls in her veins. A chill goes down her spine. She prays she won't fuck up tonight or she's quite sure there won't be a body to recover.

Carla calls her daughter. Jeanne expects the usual sound of Eren hurtling down the stairs. It isn't. The steps are careful and measured.

Jeanne thinks she's rarely seen Eren more beautiful than this. The red of the dress is brought out by Eren's bronze skin. Jeanne wants to trail her fingers along her bare shoulders, kiss the little freckles there. Her hourglass shape is highlighted by the cut of the dress. Eren's wide ocean eyes are staring at Jeanne, surprised, intense, mesmerizing.

Yet, what makes Jeanne's heart trip are the cute colorful bandages on her knees, her right elbow and even one on her hand. It is so _Eren_ and so stupidly endearing,a wave of tenderness overtakes her. She can almost feel tears at the back of her eyes. There's something stuck in her throat. An apology, maybe, or something closer to a plea.

"Jeanne," Eren says, voice cold. Jeanne is struck by how much she looks like her mother at this moment. She swallows around the needles in her throat. "You are not the one I expected," Eren points out, a hand on her hips.

Jeanne is acutely aware of Carla's gaze on her. "I... um," she hesitates. "I may have bribed Annie to get you to come? She's going with Marco instead."

"Who was supposed to go with you."

"Yes."

Eren stares at her. Jeanne fidgets under her intense scrutiny. "Why are you here?" Eren finally asks.

Jeanne takes a deep breath. "Please be my prom date?" She holds out the sunflowers for Eren. She tries to pretend the flowers don't please her, but Eren has always had a hard time hiding her feelings.

She looks conflicted, staring at the bouquet in her hands. "Let's go." She turns to her mom and kisses her on the cheek. "I'll take pictures for you."

"You better," Carla orders, smiling, warm and loving. "Let me take care of your flowers."

Eren gives the bouquet to her mother and follows Jeanne to the car. She looks out of place dressed so formally in Jeanne's beat down car. Jeanne's car has seen her in shorts, ripped jeans, band shirts, in a bathing suit. She's seen her sleeping, angry, crying, laughing, moaning, but never like this. Eren as cold and distant is something she wished she'd never seen.

"You gonna drive in that?" Eren asks, an eyebrow raised. She points at her shoes.

Jeanne shrugs. "I've done it before," she reminds Eren. Sometimes, they'd go to a club. Eren likes dancing. Jeanne likes dressing up. They fit.

The drive to school is tense and silent. Jeanne keeps wanting to say something but the words get stuck in her throat. Finally, she parks. Eren doesn't leave the car and Jeanne stays.

"Why did you ask me to prom, Jeanne?" She doesn't beat around the bush. She looks over with her intense eyes. They seem so much brighter, lined with black.

Jeanne had fallen in love with Eren in this car. No, she had realized she was in love with Eren in this car. They were coming back from the beach. The sun had been playing with the soft freckles on her nose. The red light of the dying day had tinted her skin a tawny color. Jeanne had wanted to reach for her, to see how her own fair skin would contrast against Eren's own ochre body. She hadn't realized she'd been staring. "What?" Eren had said. Her head on her knees, her eyes lidded and soft, she'd looked like a dream.

"I'd like a second chance," she asks in the present, uncertain.

Eren frowns, the line of her mouth thin. "I told you I couldn't do it anymore."

"You don't get it." She grips the steering wheel so hard, her knuckles turn white. Her heart is hammering against her ribcage. She tastes blood from where she's been biting her lip. It hurts but she can't stop herself from sliding her tongue over the wound. "I'm crazy about you," she murmurs.

Eren blinks. "What?"

"I'm crazy about you," Jeanne repeats, louder this time. "Sometimes, in the morning, I reach out for you before I remember you didn't spend the night. When I can't sleep, I reread our conversations. It used to make me happy, but these past weeks, it only made me sad because I couldn't stop thinking that this was it, this was all I had left. I missed you and I can't-"

She chokes on the rest of her sentence, on her feelings, on everything that wants to spill from her lips, on all the things who can't be expressed in words.

"I miss you so much my heart aches for you," she breathes, a hand on her chest. "So what I'm saying, Eren Jaeger, is that I'm crazy about you and that's why I asked you to prom."

Her hands hurt from how tight she's been clenching the steering wheel. Her rings have dug into her fingers. Eren is gaping at her, all wide eyes and startled surprise.

"Are you high?" She blurts out.

Jeanne smiles at her weakly. "High on you, maybe."

A moment of stillness and Eren makes a small dying noise. She starts laughing, then, and it's a wet and strangled sound. Her laughter is hysteric more than anything, and tears build up in her eyes. Jeanne panics. "Oh, nononono, Eren, don't cry, you are going to ruin your makeup, oh shit-" She flutters her hands in their air, unable to do anything. "Why are you even crying," she pleads, voice trembling, and finally, finding her bearings back, she digs tissues from her purse.

Eren punches her the arm. "You don't get to do this," she sobs.  Jeanne stays frozen, her tissue still in her hand. "You  don't get to rip my fucking heart out of my chest when I thought I could finally think straight around you!"

Jeanne opens her mouth. "Shut up! I hate you so much," she snarls. "Why am I in love with you, I hate this." Jeanne bursts into tears herself at the words, reaching for Eren, wanting to smother her in her arms. Eren slumps against her, her head against her chest. "I hate you," she whimpers. Jeanne keens against her hair, pressing her lips to any part of her face she can reach.

"I'm sorry," she whispers. "I'm so sorry, I love you."

Eren straightens up. She stares at her and Jeanne's stomach does summersaults. Her heart isn't faring better and her breathing is all wrong. "Jeanne," Eren says. Her hands are still against Jeanne's chest and all she can think about is their warmth against her skin.

"Yes?"

"You are a fucking idiot," Eren declares. "But I love you too." She grabs her face and kisses her. Their noses bump against each other and it's clumsy and a bit harsh. It reminds Jeanne of their first kisses and for a handful of seconds, she feels like crying all over again.

Eren softens the kiss, her fingers sliding against her jaw, her mouth gentler. Jeanne raises a hand to smooth a thumb against Eren's cheekbone. Suddenly, Eren is breaking the kiss and Jeanne ends up with a lapful of a gorgeous copper-skinned lady.

Eren loosely wraps her arms around her neck. "Waterproof," she says.

"What?"

"My mom, she bought waterproof makeup for me," she clarifies. She smirks. "You should redo yours, though, you kinda look like a panda."

Jeanne makes an affronted sound, but a smile pulls at her lips. She pushes her off and Eren catches herself by her shoulders, giggling. "Fine, smartass, I'll fix it, and then, we can play the power couple at prom"

"Gay power couple," Eren corrects with a satisfied grin.

Jeanne kisses the smile off her mouth.

___

("God fucking dammit," Ymir curses. Eren and Jeanne are holding hands, being all lovey-dovey and disgusting. "I was so sure Jeanne wouldn't have the balls to ask her to prom."

Historia smirks. "Time to pay up,  _babe._ " Ymir groans and dumps ten dollars in her hand.)

**Author's Note:**

> [join me on tumblr](http://elyteracy.tumblr.com)


End file.
